a salmoon winter

hewoo. so it's not really a good time of year to decide to start getting fit.. when everytime you go outside your ears and nose feel like they're about to fall off like icicles.. (well, when you can still feel them that is). but to be totally honest, i am loving it. Minus a few blips in Sydney and Idaho, I've pretty much followed the sun round the world for the entire year so a good old wintery winter at home is right up my street.

Nothing like coming in from the cold to a classic cup of quality english tea and watching a christmassy movie. Oh arn't i just an old softie. yesterday my neice and nephew came round to play and seeing them get all excited when they saw our tree kinda brought back some of that magic of christmas that somehow dies away as you get older. fortunately i think they left some of it behind..

anyway. no other real exciting news.
oh if you like illustration, check out kozyndan - my new favourite illustrators. I recently bought a piece they used for Daedelus's album artwork.. it's awesome.

soothing.

Today the parents have vacated the building for the day.. woohoo. S'good to have some space for a change.

So for a while now i've been pretty confused.. contemplating my future and all that shiz. I'm not really any further than where i started but i'm just trying to not let it get me down so much now and just go with the flow of things. There's not a lot i can do until i move out so until then i'm just gonna have to research into things and carry on working on projects to help me decide where things are going. But after feeling like this for a while i think im beginning to realise that this is just part of life. I mean, thinking about it I am completely new to this feeling of uncertainty with my future because ever since starting school i've always had the security of knowing what's coming next. Infants, Junior, Secondary, College, Uni.. travelling. But now i'm at the end of that list and anything could be next.

On the plus side though, i found a pleasant review of one of the shows i did with Emme in Spokane.. (Washington i think?) :

"Emme Packer brought with her a handsome British man who accompanied her on vocals and guitar for a soothing evening of acoustic music. Good stuff, if not a bit understated."

Handsome :D *breaks out the napolean dynamite impression* Yessss.

Anyway. Time for a microwave chicken curry and chips. oh boy.

christmas poker

spent the weekend with friends, had a christmas meal, gave presents, got merry, played poker. fun time had by all.

and my car battery is dead. i am stuck here for eternity.. yay.

knowledge

Lately my social life has been suffering quite badly.. living with your parents in the middle of nowhere, hours from friends who work full-time is tough.. especially when you've spent a year travelling. I'm just so glad i have a car.. at least i can retain a tiny bit of independance with that.

So anyway.. i guess because of this my brain is in overdrive all the time. I feel overwhelmed by how much I don't know about the world... how nearly everyone i know has already started their career and knows what they want to do with their life... how most people seem to have strong views about general things.. or at least opinions... and they have interest in lots of random yet exciting things. Then i look at my life and just feel so overwhelmed by how different my life is. All i seem to know is music and design.. and even with design i feel out of the loop and passionless with now. So that leaves music.. but then i think, even with that.. i don't really know THAT much. Ask me about the history of music / bands in this country and i'd probably only have no idea as to what happened and what caused what movement in such and such era etc. And to be honest, i don't feel compelled to find out and read about it.. i feel like it would just go in one ear and out the other. What the hell sorta musician / music producer am i suppose to be if i can't even name the big names behind artists these days? And have no interest to find out?

Why do i love making music? I don't know, i just do. I can sit down with a guitar and have no problem with writing new pieces of music.. but when it comes down to lyrics.. i find it SO hard.. i just sit there and get so frustrated with myself because i don't understand why words can't flow as well as my guitar writing can. It slows the whole process right down. I'm not a big reader of poetry and to be honest a lot of it i don't understand.. unless it's metaphors or similies or a play on words.. i couldn't tell you why this or that is so beautiful. I wish i could. i don't know why, i've never been able to no matter how i hard i try.. it's like i was born without eyes or something. and so i'm left thinking, what the hell am i doing? How could i possibly have a career in this. But then i think about how i love it when i finally get something.. it feels amazing when i know i'm on to something good and can finally get to the stage where i start recording and making things sound good. And then of course when I get good feedback.. it's so rewarding. I see pictures of studios in magazines and get excited imagining how cool it would be to have my own studio and know so much more about recording.

But.. then i wonder if perhaps this is a dead end. Although i've recorded my own album, i've toured with a musician in America and recorded 2 albums with her.. and i still don't know if this is my calling. I love music.. but what part of it am i meant to choose? Musician? Engineer? Producer? Band? Songwriter? Film / TV Composer? Time is running out and i need to find out sooner rather than later. I'd love to be part of a band.. that would be awesome. But i don't want to waste time with something that isn't going to work you know? And because i've never been in a band before.. i know before i'd find the right band i'd have to go through several.. but by that time i could be in my 30s or it might be too late! And i want to be part of something big, something different.. something that will last for decades.

Ah dude.. i dunno. I go to bed every night thinking, right tomorrow.. i need to get up early and start learning something new. Start to figure things out. And every day is the same.. i try and get on with something and before i know it, the day has gone and i've got nowhere. I want to read more, i want to learn big new things and know everything about everything but instead everyday is filled with someone telling me something i dont know (usually my father..) because i don't watch TV.. making me feel so tiny and insignificant and naiive in this world. So i think.. right, all i need to do is start reading about things.. start building up this knowledge dictionary in my head.. but then i think about exactly how much information is out there and so i just sit there feeling like i just got hit by a train. It's impossible to know everything.. so you should choose what you're interested in.. obviously.. otherwise you're learning it for the wrong reasons and most likely won't really remember it. But then what the hell am i really interested in? All i ever do is waste time getting frustrated with music. I just want to be an interesting bloke to talk to, you know? The sorta guy people can learn from.

And i'm back to the start...
I dunno.. maybe this is what life is like when you're cooped up at home every day. Maybe this will all change when i move out in the new year. I bloody hope so.

Would like to read some thoughts on all this if anyone made it this far! :D

43 things

Just found an interesting website.. www.43things.com. S'kinda cool to read other people's opinions on random topics or to find comfort in things you're questioning in life. Even if you don't find the answer it sorta reminds you you're not the only person in the world.

So i'm pretty excited, i've come up with a cool idea for a music project.. and new songs are pouring out of my ears left right and center. Struggling with lyrics as always but musically i got some good things on the way. Only other thing i'm having an issue with though is my tendancy to turn everything i write into a pop song. I'm fighting desperately though to try and write more organic and free-flowing tunes.. which is generally working in my favour but i find adding lyrics defines more structure in the music, giving it more of a pop sound. I'm working on it though... been experimenting with orchestral samples and things which will hopefully take my sound in a different direction. I'm trying to listen to as much different music as i can though.. came across an independent artist called Kelli Rudick.. (experimental.. folk maybe? hear for yourself here) who's guitar style is absolutely mind boggling.. it's really inspired me.

Ah yes so i didn't talk about my music project idea.. well. I don't want to give too much away at the moment as it might not happen.. but it involves a series of CD's and new moosic. ;)